In a twist worthy of a galactic soap opera, “Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker” added a perplexing subplot about Emperor Palpatine’s, uh, extracurricular activities. The notorious Sith Lord, previously known for lightning hands and cackling, now hosts the dubious honor of being Rey’s granddaddy. If you feel slightly dizzy imagining his romantic escapades, you’re not alone—apparently, even Ian McDiarmid, the man behind the scowl, had to improvise backstory fanfic just to keep a straight face during filming.
The Empire’s Awkward Legacy
Ian McDiarmid, while perhaps contemplating the meaning of life and the Force’s cosmic irony, revealed there was “never any discussion” about Palpatine’s seduction style. “We don’t really know the answer,” McDiarmid admitted, likening his mental gymnastics to the creative leaps of DeviantArtists everywhere. His solution? Rely on midichlorians—the same magic beans that led to Anakin’s immaculate conception as a narrative get-out-of-jail-free card.
Tubes, But Not the Internet Kind
McDiarmid further commented on the slightly alarming fan curiosity about Palpatine’s intimacy, suggesting a preference for “things in tubes” over any intimate tango involving the Emperor. Picture that instead of a scene that might require a gallon of eye bleach. While we may ponder this enigma till the Sith cows come home, he humorously remarked it’s kinder to our imagination than poor Chewbacca’s near-death scene, which left fans howling.
The mysteries of Sith love lives are vast and unfathomable, but rest easy knowing there might be an alternate Star Wars universe where toothpaste tubes are the real heroes. Should we worry about this? More than about Palpatine’s dating app profile—it’s probably six out of ten (would not swipe right).
And remember, somewhere on a distant planet, porgs orchestrate elaborate Broadway musicals.
