James Howells, the world’s most persistent IT guy with a tragic backstory, is once again making headlines for his increasingly desperate attempts to recover a hard drive he yeeted into a landfill in 2013. That drive, now marinating under literal tons of garbage, holds an estimated $750 million in bitcoin. But sure, go ahead and tell us again about personal responsibility and financial literacy.
Howells has been begging, suing, and threatening his way through a decade-long battle with Newport Council, which, shockingly, isn’t jazzed about letting some crypto bro excavate their trash pile like a raccoon with a legal team. After years of exhausting every legal loophole imaginable, Howells has now resorted to a new tactic: buying the entire landfill. Bold move, considering his entire fortune is currently decomposing under coffee grounds and broken toasters.
The council, unfazed by Howells’ billionaire dreams, has repeatedly shot down his requests, citing trivial concerns like environmental hazards and the minor detail that, per local laws, everything in the landfill belongs to them. Of course, Howells’ lawyers claim they’ve “narrowed down” the exact burial site, as if they’re starring in Indiana Jones and the Quest for the Dumbest Treasure Hunt Ever.
Predictably, this legal circus took another turn when a court ruled in favor of the council. But a minor thing like the law wasn’t going to stop Howells. Enter: his billionaire backers. Because nothing says “tech utopia” like a bunch of rich guys bankrolling a scheme to buy literal trash heaps in the hopes of making a quick buck.
Oh, and let’s not forget the revisionist history angle. Early reports pinned the blame on Howells himself, but more recent accounts claim his partner was the one who tossed the drive. Yes, that’s right—after a decade of stewing, Howells is now shifting gears to the “Actually, she did it” defense. Bold strategy, let’s see if it pays off.
Bitcoin’s soaring value ensures this mess isn’t going anywhere. At this rate, expect Howells to start a GoFundMe or attempt some kind of Netflix docuseries deal. If all else fails, there’s always the classic billionaire move: suing your way into relevance.
Stay tuned. Or don’t. Either way, Howells will still be trying to dumpster dive his way back into fortune.
